1 Samuel 20

David and Johnathan make a plan to figure out if Saul actually wants to kill David.  David runs and hides for 3 days and doesn’t go to dinner.  When Saul asks where David is Johnathan is supposed to tell him something if Saul gets pissy than Johnathan will take arrows and shoot them beyond where David is, but if Saul is not pissy then Johnathan is to shoot arrows next to where David is and David can come out and hang out with everyone again.  Well surprise surprise Saul gets pissy.  Saul is not only pissed he also tries to kill Johnathan his son.  Johnathan shoots arrows past David they hug and kiss and David leaves.

The common theme for me, and its probably from where I am reading from, is the covenant that David and Johnathan make together.  3 different times it talks about it.  David and Johnathan loved each other like their own souls.  They made a vow and a bond to stay together no matter what even when they weren’t together.  Saul just got done in chapter 19 spending time in the presence of God and prophesying and not his pride and anger rise up again to the point if trying to kill his own son.  Far to often that happens with me, I spend time in the presence of God, not just on an event but here at home, and I turn out and get angry with people, or jealous, or busy, or worried or whatever you do throughout the day.  Have I not just done what Saul did?  After this weekend and the loss of Marnie, I really don’t want to make those covenants with people you know.  This has had the opposite affect on me than what God has intended for me, and I recognize this and I am fighting it, but I have no desire to go through this again.  This was my first funeral to ever go to, and that’s not bad being 25 and never really having anyone that close to me die, thank you Lord.  This has made me really miss her, and I cant really imagine making a covenant with someone like D and J did and then having to watch them flee and not see them again.  After this week it doesn’t make me want to get close to people and have them leave me or die or walk through something that I cant follow them.  I kind of feel like moving to Tibet and spending 7 years there (I love Brad Pitt, total man crush).  And then on the other hand I want those relationship, those people who I will stay in contact with for the next 47 years (that’s how long I have left).  I desire to be close to people, not alot of people but some.  I want to love those some like I love my own soul, and I really love my own soul.  I need relationship but don’t want to get hurt.  This weekend was much harder than I thought it would be. I know how much being in relationship with you guys has changed me and altered me so I know I need that, but I do struggle with opening up myself and being vulnerable and maintaining relationships and this past week the enemy has continued to tell me not to get to close and not to make those soul ties with brothers so I don’t have to go through this again.  I really tried to put on my rough non-emotional exterior, but alas my sensi side came out.  I want to be like David and Johnathan but don’t.  So we will see, If you don’t hear from me for a while forward everything to Tibet where I will be hanging out with Brad and Angie and some monks who don’t speak, thank you Lord.

Misdirected Zeal

Romans 9:30-10:4

30 What does all this mean? Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God’s standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place. 31 But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. 32 Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting in him. They stumbled over the great rock in their path. 33 God warned them of this in the Scriptures when he said, “I am placing a stone in Jerusalem that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. But anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 10 Dear brothers and sisters, the longing of my heart and my prayer to God is for the people of Israel to be saved. 2 I know what enthusiasm they have for God, but it is misdirected zeal. 3 For they don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself. Refusing to accept God’s way, they cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to keep the law. 4 For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God.

I don’t know what exactly to say with this post. There are two obvious questions from Romans 10:2.

First, is my own zeal in any way misdirected when it comes to my relationship with the Lord? Am I in any way trying to maintain my relationship with Papa myself? Am I legalistic? Of course not… I hope. However, a deeper question arose as I wrote this. I have to ask myself this question: Am I in any way trying to maintain my relationship with Papa under my own strength at all? Ahhh! That’s not such an easy question to tackle.

IF I am attempting to keep my relationship with Him under my own strength, my own tactics, my own plan, my own (fill in the blank), then as Romans 10:3 says, I “...don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself…” and I am attempting to live under my own set of rules, a.k.a. Law. That’s a good first question from that passage.

The second obvious question to me is this: Who has God put in my life that are enthusiastically running with misdirected zeal? I could list a few. This may be my first workout with my new spiritual weapon (see “Off to the prayer gym…” that I posted several days ago). I believe Father wants me to intercede for them and come away with His perspective on the situation and how I should or shouldn’t respond.

How does all this relate to the divisions of the church we call “denominations”?  Are there denominations, and even faiths, that were spawned out of misdirected zeal?

I am reminded of a story a friend of mine told me.  When he was at the Naval Academy, while training in the Marine Corp, they were shooting cannons.  He told me how just being a half an inch off in the aim of the cannon could result in the projectile being hundreds of yards and even miles off course.  This could be deadly to your own in the midst of a war.

How different is misdirected zeal?  One slightly askew thought – not too far different than mainstream initially – leads to another slightly off step.  Before you know it you are somewhere miles off of the original trajectory. It too could be deadly to those around you.  Look at Jim Jones.  He was – at one time – a ferverent preacher and passionate follower of the Lord.  Somewhere his zeal misled him and his followers.  What about David Koresh?  From the reports I remember, his zeal, let him and his followers die a brutal death.

Dad, may my zeal always be guided by your word.  Never let my passion for you get ahead of you.

True Fellowship

So I asked Papa where to go and he took me to 1 John1:1-4. “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life- the life was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and was manifested to us- that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write to you that your joy may be full.”  Maybe you guys are scholars and able to tear apart sentences to decide what is necessary and not, but that was difficult for me to read. Anyways, here is what stuck out to me. As a Christian you kind of hear the term “fellowship” thrown around, for example, “we’re going to go fellowship with so and so, or Fellowship of the Sword” whatever the case is. I have kind of become desensitized to it I guess. The verses made me think though, what does “fellowship” really mean? Fellowship: 1. the condition or relation of being a fellow. 2. friendly relationship; companionship: the fellowship of father and son. That second definition is the one that got me. Friendly relationship? I don’t know that I would describe my relationship with Papa that way. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good relationship, but take me and my dad for example. One of my favorite things to do with my dad is sit out back on a nice day, smoke a cigar and hang out for an hour or two. I don’t just sit back and spend time with Papa though, why not? Is it my perception, or am I just not at that place yet?

Papa, I love you. Forgive me if my perception of You has been wrong, forgive me for not giving You the time You are due. You are gracious and wonderful. Can we just hang out tommorrow? I’d like to spend some time with you just hanging out. Annoint my house with Your presence.

“…love your wives…”

These three words in Ephesians 5:25 are the topic of my other blogsite.  See today’s post at Running After Papa : Husband 101 – Part 4